Till' Death Do We Part

My day starts at 4PM- literally. I work nights from midnight to 8 AM and am THRILLED if I'm in bed by 9. It's not one of those "crawl out of bed" experiences either. The alarm goes off and I'm up, dressed, and in the truck to pick up the kids. Typically I try to get Jordan first in an effort to alleviate the burden of 4 children for my sister-in-law who watches her for us. From there, I rush to pick up Joshua at Campus Kinderhaus by 5:30 to avoid the $1 a minute charge for being late. So far I think that's only happened twice. By the time we all get home, it's about 6PM and the kids are usually beginning to get really hungry. Joy doesn't get home until about 6:30 at the earliest. Most nights we sit down to eat at around 7:30 or 8PM. (Yes, we eat late at the Scott house. It drives my in-laws nuts when they visit.) Recently, I've been trying to tide the kids over by giving them a snack in the truck while I pick them up and bring them home.
A few days ago I thought I'd give them a little treat and I put Lucky Charms in Tupperware containers and brought them along with me for the snack. I usually try to be a bit healthier than that, but I was feeling charitable on that day knowing full well that they'd simply pick out the marshmallows and leave the grain bits. That would upset me except that it's exactly what I do! Anyways, I picked up both the kids and headed home, knowing that I was the best dad ever for such a snack.

About 5 minutes into the ride home, Joshua told me he had a question for me.

"Dad," he said?

"What's up buddy?"

"Do people get another life when they die?"

Hmmmm... It was one of THOSE questions. I immediately began looking for a good response, unpacking all of my theological baggage as I prepared to answer this question for a six year old.

"Well, no. We believe that when a person dies, they either go to heaven...or they don't."

I'm not a big proponent for the eternal punishment view of hell, and didn't really want to scare my son into choosing the way, the truth, and the life. I believe people should choose the way, the truth, and the life on it's own merit- not out of a fear of eternal burning. (This is a way different blog topic for a way different day.) BUT, I quickly amended my answer to be a bit more biblically centered and said, "We believe that when a person dies they either go to heaven or hell. It's what we call an afterlife, but it's not a life like we have on earth. We're someplace else, not here like we are now."

I braced for the follow up questions, preparing to butcher my answers. He didn't immediately say anything, and I began to wonder why he had asked. He's been playing many different games on his Nintendo DS ever since he got one for Christmas, and as best I can tell not one of the games has a limit to the number of "lives" each character gets. It just goes on and on. I was wondering if that's why he'd asked. After a couple more minutes of silence, I asked why he asked the question.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said.

"I'm just curious," I replied, "Is it because you play Lego Star Wars and everybody gets another life when the die?"

"No," was all he said.

"Then why did you ask?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

At this point, he was pretty somber, and I began to wonder if he was getting car sick. Perhaps the sweet marshmallows of the Lucky Charms weren't such a wonderful idea after all.

"Do you feel OK," I asked?

"Yeah, but here, I'm done with these," he said as he handed me the bowl of cereal, mostly uneaten with marshmallows still mixed in. I wasn't convinced he was feeling OK and was pretty sure there was a good chance the kid was going to vomit all over the interior of my new-to-me truck. "Then what's wrong," I pressed?

"I really don't want to talk about it."

I let it go, still pretty sure he was simply sick. But when we got home, he hopped out of the truck like there was nothing physically wrong, although still a bit somber. He went inside and got ready for his gymnastics class and soon forgot about the conversation.

Later on that night Joy and I went on our date night. We decided that we were going to be rebellious and celebrate Valentines Day on February 10th. Take THAT Hallmark! (She did, however, inform me that since Valentines Day was on the 14th then the correct day to send flowers to her at work was Friday the 13th. Duly noted.) Over dinner I shared the story with her.

"I wonder if Nipun was talking about his family's beliefs," she mused.

Nipun is one of Josh's best friends at school. His family is Indian, and his mother told stories about some of the Hindu Gods during a visit to Kinderhaus one day. (I imagine that was awkward for the teachers at the Christian day-care, but it kind of just blew over!) Joy and I began to wonder if Nipun had been talking to Josh about reincarnation. At dinner last night, I decided to bring up the conversation again.

"Josh, do you remember when you asked me if a person gets another life after they die? Were you asking because Nipun had been talking about people getting another life after they die?"

"No."

"Was it because people on your video games get new lives," I asked again?

"No." He again became very somber and upset. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Then why did you ask? I just want to be able to help you. You seem sad."

"I really don't want to talk about it," he said.

"Are you worried about Mom and Dad? " He shook his head, "no." "Jordan?" Again, he shook his head."

After listing a few more members of our extended family, Joshua burst into tears and said, sobbing, "I'm worried about you and mommy!"

There are moments in the lives of every parent that rise above all others. Just two days before I remember being proud of Josh as he began to stretch before his gymnastics class. I was proud of him when we met recently with his teacher. I love to watch the way he plays with, and takes care of his sister, Jordan. It touches my heart that he wants to play with me and bring me into his world of imagination- usually I'm playing the role of the bad guy in whatever story we're acting out! I don't imagine there are many things as precious as the love between a parent and child. I tell my kids how much I love them several times a day. I make sure to ask them if they know it. Not once have I ever said it out of habit. I mean it every time. And deep down in my heart, I want to know that they love me too. They tell me they do, and I believe them. But never in my short parenting life have I understood just how much Josh loves, needs, and relies on me until he burst into tears that evening admitting that he worries about what life will be like without his parents. It really touched my heart and I'll never forget that evening.

I asked Josh if he'd like to sit on my lap. The truth is, I didn't care if he wanted to sit on my lap or not, I needed him to sit on my lap while we discussed this. I stood up from my place at the table, walked over to where he was sitting, picked him up, and brought him back to my seat. It was kind of difficult to be honest. Everything within me wanted to tell him that I'd never leave him. That I would always be there for him and would only die when I was 90+ years old. I wanted to tell him his mother would always be there too. But I knew that might not be the truth. The truth was that we don't know when we're going to die, but that he was going to be OK if we did. Mommy and Daddy were careful drivers (well, at least I swore that I would be from that point on), we looked both ways when we crossed the street, and he always reminded us to wear our seatbelts, etc... We talked about how difficult it would be for a little while if we died, but he had a strong family that would take care of him. Eventually, I think I made it sound so good that he might have wished for a surprise death of his parents! Nah, but we managed to calm him down and even get him to laugh. After a few moments of lighthearted giggling and tickling, I took his face in my hands and directed his eyes towards mine.

"Joshua" I said, "you can always talk to us about anything. Anything!" I meant it too. There were about a thousand things that were going through my mind that I would want my son to be comfortable talking about with me. And as I was thinking about these things, my lovely wife added, "Yeah! Even sex!"

......what the...?

Now, if I hadn't just explained to my six year old son that mommy and daddy were going to do all we could not to die, I might have killed her! I couldn't believe that my wife had just brought up the word "sex" to our six year old boy! From the look on her face, neither could she. I didn't know what to do. I was sure he was going to ask "What's sex?" At which point I would have plopped him on his mother's lap and left to load the dishwasher. Fortunately, he just laughed hysterically. Unfortunatly, it was clear that he probably has had some exposure to the subject of sex because he wasn't curious at all, and he laughed about it. (Thank you Viagra and Cialis commercials!)

I'm always amazed at how fast my kids are growing. It's not always easy, but I try to remember to take time to stop, be the "bad guy" when it's not convenient, go to the playground when it's35 degrees out, and not get frustrated when my little girl says "daddy, daddy, daddy!!!" repeatedly in the back seat. We love our kids. And it really helps to know they love us too.