Newly Discovered Text!!!! The Gospel of Ben Stein, some other dude, and SNOPES.com

I have most of my friends categorized into three email groups:

1) Friends who forward EVERYTHING. Emails from these friends are quickly deleted if the subject line includes "FWD" or indicates that the message within is likely nonsense that ends with something like "Send this to ten of your friends including yourself, and the Tamba Bay Rays will beat the Red Sox to move on to the World Series this year." I'm not superstitious and none of that stuff ever works. I trash it immediately.

2) Friends who only forward things to me that are either funny or true. For me this is generally family members or close friends. They all know me pretty well and only include me in the forward if they think I'll appreciate it. They're not trying to "inform" me or prove some point. They're just trying to make me smile or share information they know I care about. Most of the time they're right.

3) Friends who never forward anything. The only emails I receive from them are relevant to some aspect of my relationship with them. The first time I receive a forward from them it usually begins with "I don't usually forward things but..." I open it, knowing that as soon as I do this particular friend will no longer be in category 3. I will make a quick decision to place their name into category 1 or 2. This process usually works well. It was a bit more challenging for me over the past few days.

(Before I continue, it is very important that I make one thing very clear. I'm about to get very negative, sarcastic, and even condemning of an email I received from a friend. I am NOT upset with my friend. They were duped. I don't like to be duped, and I don't like it when it happens to my friends. So if you're one of the friends who sent this to me, or if you've sent it to others, don't feel bad. This isn't aimed at you, it's aimed at the "author" of the email.)

In the span of about 10 days or so I received the same forwarded email from two different people in my church community. These people were in category 3, people that I often receive emails from on various issues. They are both good friends. I have cut and pasted the email below. You may think you have received this email before (as I did). But you may find that it is a bit different. At any rate, please read the whole thing as the last portion of this post will be difficult to follow if you have not.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to. In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

As I mentioned earlier, I thought I had seen this email before but as I re-read it this time I was pretty sure it was different- longer in fact- than the last time. The portion I had received previously was Mr. Stein's commentary about Christmas. When I received the original "FWD" I checked snopes.com to see if it was actually legitimately Ben Stein's commentary. It was. I was appreciative of his candid remarks. (I always check snopes.com for things like these. Without exception! I hope you do too.) But this time around there were some issues for me.

When Ben Stein first issued these remarks, it was on TV. Specifically CBS Sunday Morning where he sometimes offers commentary. (This particular commentary begun with a short rant about how he didn't know who Nick and Jessica Simpson were and felt old.) The email even stated in the first line where the comments were from. Problem is, this most recent email ended with,

"My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully [typo NOT added],


Ben Stein"

I've never before heard someone on the TV offer commentary that ended with "My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully...". Not once. Nor have I ever heard someone try to guilt me into forwarding on their commentary with some magical Tivo as if my relationship with God depended on it. Ben Stein's original message had obviously been changed. I was miffed. I checked snopes again to see where the changes began. Snopes had updated their information, but the whole email was still listed as "true."

The addition to the email began mid-sentence where the new "author" deleted the names "Nick and Jessica" and relaced them with "these celebrities" in an effort to set up the rest of the email. The rest of the addition begins with the words, "In the light of the many jokes we send..." What follows is several quotes, many of which are defensive, about the state of affairs in the world and how they relate to the role of God in America. As far as I can tell the quotes were not made up, and snopes confirms the statements. What bothered me was the fact that somebody had the audacity to add stuff to Ben Stein's original comments which were good enough to stand on their own merrit! Further, Mr. Stein's point was not the same point as the author of the second half of the more recent email.

Stein's point was offered as an opinion and was, I thought, fair- I don't mind if people say to me, a Jew, "Merry Christmas!" People who find "Merry Christmas" to be offensive need to get over it." The second author's point was well intended, but uninformed- God is allowing bad things to happen to us because we have kicked him out of schools, etc... I immediately began to write a "reply to all" email to inform everyone that they had been duped. As usual, I began to get a bit long-winded and had to stop to go pick up my kids from their day care. I'm glad I did because I had some time to think more about this email.

While they don't clearly state that they are a Christian, I think it's pretty clear that whoever provided the "editing" professes faith in Christ. And as always, they've done a disservice to my savior. I get their point, but they had no right to change the commentary. Especially not in the name of God. Further, I'm not sure what kind of God they're serving.

One of my friends said that it was food for thought. Well, I thought about it, and here's what I think:

"Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?' "

I think Billy Graham is wonderful. I have a ton of respect for him as an evangelist and theologian. One of the reason I believe this is because I never heard him say things like this. I don't think what Anne is all that profound or insightful in this circumstance. Am I to assume that if every single United States citizen was a believer in God- Baptist even- then Katrina wouldn't have happened? No Anne, "we" haven't all demanded that God get out of our government. And even if we had, Jesus reminded us that God doesn't neglect people simply because they don't follow His will. Consider Mattew 5:45, "...He [God] causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

"In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK."

Again, "we" is a bit broad, don't you think? Besides, people who read the Bible and believe in God kill all of the time. Think Crusades, Inquisition, and abortion clinic bombings/shootings for starters. Clearly it didn't start with Madeleine O'Hare. Jesus believed in God and he was murdered. So did Stephen, Peter, Paul, Andrew, ...you get my point.

"Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK."

You're not honestly saying that Dr Spock is responsible for his son's suicide are you? I hope not because his son didn't commit suicide. His 22-year-old grandson who suffered from schizophrenia did in 1983. (Source: Wikipedia and snopes.com) But I've never heard that spanking gives children schizophrenia. In general, experts do know what they're talking about. I'm sure there are millions of children that were never spanked that will live long and prosper. Like me, for instance. As for Dr. Spock, I did a little research on him. I think he and Jesus would have gotten along well.

"Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'"

Gosh, you sound an aweful lot like Jeremiah Wright. If I remember the sound bite correctly, I think he said something like "The chickens have come home to roost!" Is that what you're trying to say?

"Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?"

No, I'm not laughing. Especially since you have added you're own bit of uninformed commentary to Mr. Stein's opinion. Apparently stretching the truth is not lying. You're lucky, because if it was I might have to spank you.

"Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in."

Funny how while I think I get your point, and might even agree with your intent I still wouldn't pass this on if my life depended on it. How dare you tell me that not forwarding a doctored email suggests I'm ashamed of my faith?

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

It really strikes me that 1) This is no longer Ben Stein, 2) "honest" isn't a word that comes to mind after reading this, and 3) I didn't exactly feel respected either. You forgot to capitalize the "r".

Which could stand for repulsive.

It was then that something did occured to me. This is how some of the Bible was written.

I used to think that all of the books of the Bible were placed in order by age. That is, Genesis was the oldest and Revelation was the newest. This is not the case. In fact, many scholars believe that Job is the oldest book in the Bible, not Genesis. Revelation is the most recent, authored around 95 BC. The early church of Christ did not have the New Testament. Instead they were told stories, an oral history, of Jesus. They were told over and over again, until they were eventually written down. Paul's ministry and letters pre-date our recorded gospels. Mark is generally accepted as the earlies gospel and it is widely accepted that much of the information in Matthew and Luke was taken from Mark. I was gonna try to explain all of this, but I won't because I don't know enough about it. If you care, find some books that talk about it. Or check that peer-reviewed source (choke, cough...) known as Wikipedia. That'll do. My point is, there wasn't a scribe watching Jesus and then writing down everything he did (as they did with Mohammed. Oh yeah, that's a different religion. I'm sorry.) There are a lot of differences in the Gospel accounts of Jesus's life, and sometimes things got lost (or added) in translation during the years where the Bible was copied by hand.

Obviously I'm in no way comoparing the Bible to an email. Brotha pleez. Far from it. I believe that the ancient scribes and such had better intentions and were much better informed than the email author (particularly in light of Holy Spirit inspiration and direction), but I just couldn't help but wonder about how much different our gospels today might be from the original author's words and intent. This is the stuff of dissertations. Maybe someday...